What has she done in the past 3 years that warrants an entire book? I was always led to believe that auto/biographies were supposed to be lifetime accounts of socially important, interesting, intelligent individuals - so god knows why Geri gets to bring one out every three years - please promise me you won’t go and buy it?
Geri’s left out in the cold - 25/01/02
It has been reported in the press that our precious little ginger princess has been shoved out in the cold - again. She really is playing the part of pretty woman out to a tee - after finding herself intertwined in a relationship with a rather rich gentleman who’s pastimes involve a keen interest polo, she has been dumped and left to fend for herself in what is turning out to be (for her) a wicked, wicked world. Will they get back together? Will Bobby Hashemi realise that really he is deeply in love with her and just didn’t know it? I don’t think so, Bobby is renowned to be against serious relationships and Geri has admitted that her ideal man is ’probably gay’ - hmmm.. I seem to see a few problems with that equation old Gezza.. Never mind, as they say there are plenty more fish in the sea and anyway she’ll be spending most of her time searching for the house of her dreams - Geri has recently been speculating about the purchase of a ?4 million Knightsbridge penthouse - is this what you would call retail therapy?
Geris hopes are hampered - 11/01/02
Ms. Halliwell received a surprise Christmas gift this year from her former friend George Michael, who took it on himself to pull a fast one on the quickly diminishing ex-spice. It is rumoured that the fitness freak and lady of leisure was awe struck on Christmas Eve when a large, Harrods package was delivered to her front door. On seeing that it was from George, Geri must have assumed that the delectable ’ex-friend’ desperately wanted to kiss and make up, oh how wrong could she be? Knowing about Geris’ obsession with her new ’slim-line’ body and her on-going fascination with self-help groups, George had stuffed the hamper with a myriad of fattening delicacies, chocolate truffles, cheeses, caviar etc. No-one is quite sure what little, old Geri did with the hamper, but we have heard that she has recently enrolled her dog Harry on a new ’lose that puppy fat’ scheme at a local health farm.

Demonic Geri ditched by club 10/12/01
Poor old Geri, the Notting Hill fitness freak and ’demonic little girl’ (as she is known to her close friends) has been dealt a blow this week when she behaved so badly that Holmes Place banned her from using their facilities.

Not only is it rumoured that she made the sacrilegious sin of ’demanding’ that she be given free membership due to the simple fact that she’s famous, she then went onto behave in a manner which could only be appropriated to a spoilt little girl.

Following her inability to ’skank’ a free membership at Notting Hill, it is rumoured that Geri took herself off to the Kensington branch of Holmes Place where she proceeded to introduce her mutt Harry to the gym facilities, feeding him muffins in the restaurant while she brushed her teeth and spat the residue onto her plate.

Not stopping there it has been alleged that after forcing the club to allow her personal trainer within the confines of the gym, he proceeded to teach her some rather dodgy moves which would not have been approved by a professional establishment. Following a few harsh words from the management team, Geri has been kicked out of Holmes Place for good - it seems that Harry is her only friend at the moment and surely that’s only because he can’t talk.